moocat.net - comedy - Gajandra and the Eating Lesson, cont'd., by Mehshur de Gupta Härē-shyo

"Nonsense, you silly knave! What is there to drink?"

"Well, we're serving Mug Rootbeer and Diet Pepsi, along with Mango Lassis. I know what Lassis taste like. Allow me to test the flavour of the foreign food--the Beer Root and Pezzi."

"The servants brought the bulging boy his beverages and the greedy bastard consumed all."

"It wasn't long that—"

"Jutu! I know for a fact that you just said 'Greedy Bastard' Tell me no lie--is that what you said?"

"Oh, no Master Gajandra, please forgive me. Your swollen belly must be playing tricks on your ears. What I said was 'feeding hazard.' 'The feeding hazard consumed all.'"

"You better not be lying about that, Jutu."

"I assure you, little prince, I would no more embellish the truth than would yourself."

"Then go on."

"Soon after the fucking fat little shit finished his feast--"

"JUTU!!"

"Yes, master?"

"Oh, never mind..."

"Yes....after suckling the last little sip of beverage, the boy retired to his father's garden, hoping to sleep off his indulgement."

"His father's garden?"

"Yes."

"I'm in my father's garden now."

"So you are, Master Gajandra."

"The young boy lay beneath a Ban-Ban tree and gazed upward at the heavens."

"Hey! I'm lying under a Ban-Ban tree!"

"So you are, Master Gajandra."

"The first rumblings of his expanding contents came from his abdomen. Exploding gasses excaped the little prince's pottie exit. He looked down and noticed that his royal midsection was now quite rounded and painful. He rolled side to side a bit, hoping that the movement would postpone the pain. It only made it worse. Bubbles as strident as those at the Three-headed waterfall at Madras stomped about his stomach. Powerful expansion pushed aside his pancreas, liver and lungs, as his pounding belly grew two, three, four men high. He screamed in pain and shock as he saw his belly grow to the size of two houses."

"Jutu--what was his name?"

"Whose name, master Gajandra?"

"The naughty boy who lied so that he could pig out?"

"Oh, his name was 'Bajandra,' sire."

"At any rate, gallons of semi-digested curry began oozing from his pores. A wild pony happened by, but the methane from a chance fart immediately suffocated it to death..."

"Enough, Jutu, enough! I get the point!"

"But we haven't gotten to the explosion part yet--then a wizened old, handsome attendant stopped by the nasty boy and began telling him a story."

"SHUT UP, Jutu! And promise me you'll never tell me that stupid story again."

"I promise, sire, that I will never tell you this story again...so long as you never give me cause to..."

"Ohhh," he groaned, "alright. Now go and fetch me some Digel, will you?"

"Yes, little prick."

"What did you?— Oh nevermind..."

	m o o c a t . n e t
	Essays · Poetry · Comedy · Art · Video	summer 2021

	Gajandra and the Eating Lesson, cont'd.	1/5/1998,
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What is there to drink?" "Well, we're serving Mug Rootbeer and Diet Pepsi, along with Mango Lassis. I know what Lassis taste like. Allow me to test the flavour of the foreign food--the Beer Root and Pezzi." "The servants brought the bulging boy his beverages and the greedy bastard consumed all." "It wasn't long that—" "Jutu! I know for a fact that you just said 'Greedy Bastard' Tell me no lie--is that what you said?" "Oh, no Master Gajandra, please forgive me. Your swollen belly must be playing tricks on your ears. What I said was 'feeding hazard.' 'The feeding hazard consumed all.'" "You better not be lying about that, Jutu." "I assure you, little prince, I would no more embellish the truth than would yourself." "Then go on." "Soon after the fucking fat little shit finished his feast--" "JUTU!!" "Yes, master?" "Oh, never mind..." "Yes....after suckling the last little sip of beverage, the boy retired to his father's garden, hoping to sleep off his indulgement." "His father's garden?" "Yes." "I'm in my father's garden now." "So you are, Master Gajandra." "The young boy lay beneath a Ban-Ban tree and gazed upward at the heavens." "Hey! I'm lying under a Ban-Ban tree!" "So you are, Master Gajandra." "The first rumblings of his expanding contents came from his abdomen. Exploding gasses excaped the little prince's pottie exit. He looked down and noticed that his royal midsection was now quite rounded and painful. He rolled side to side a bit, hoping that the movement would postpone the pain. It only made it worse. Bubbles as strident as those at the Three-headed waterfall at Madras stomped about his stomach. Powerful expansion pushed aside his pancreas, liver and lungs, as his pounding belly grew two, three, four men high. He screamed in pain and shock as he saw his belly grow to the size of two houses." "Jutu--what was his name?" "Whose name, master Gajandra?" "The naughty boy who lied so that he could pig out?" "Oh, his name was 'Bajandra,' sire." "At any rate, gallons of semi-digested curry began oozing from his pores. A wild pony happened by, but the methane from a chance fart immediately suffocated it to death..." "Enough, Jutu, enough! I get the point!" "But we haven't gotten to the explosion part yet--then a wizened old, handsome attendant stopped by the nasty boy and began telling him a story." "SHUT UP, Jutu! And promise me you'll never tell me that stupid story again." "I promise, sire, that I will never tell you this story again...so long as you never give me cause to..." "Ohhh," he groaned, "alright. Now go and fetch me some Digel, will you?" "Yes, little prick." "What did you?— Oh nevermind..." — Mehshur de Gupta Härē-shyo Mehshur de Gupta Härē-shyo was a 17th-century comedy writer from the Himalayan plateau. His Gajandra inscriptions were discovered in 1953, translated into English in the 1970s, and finally transcribed into HTML near the close of the 20th century. <— b a c k >>> Got feedback on this page? 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