Gentle moos from round the globe

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Essays  ·  Poetry  ·  Comedy  ·  Art  ·  Video summer 2021
Meet Doctor Klaww!


· Sitting with Mama
· Maria
· Nine Crossings
· Mama and Her

· Fallopian Chron IV
· Why I Toast, I
· Why I Toast, II
· Why I Toast, III
· Scooter/Dot-Com
· Fallopian Chron II
· Fallopian Chron III
· Strange Bedfellow
· Almost Equal
· A Difficult Day
· Phantom Lover:
    Ode to
    Leslie Cheung

· I Am Salad
· Fallopian Chron I
· Taiwanglish
· Childhood's End
· Psychic Friends
· Life in the
    Time of SARS

· Waiting for
      the Goddess

· Roswell My Eye
· Catisfaction
· My Laramie Project
· Stopping on the
    Street for
    Coltrane: A Real
    Latter Day Saint

· Whither Moocat?
· Happy Palindrome!
· Happy Tiger
· Tourist for a Day
· Geography
    as Destiny

· "Bastards"
· Watching the
    Pentagon Burn

· Communing with

· Milk
· Infinity
· Emailing the Dead
· Broken Water
· Sand Shark
· Grandma Said
· Golden Days
· Americat
· Moe Howard on the
Death of His Brother,

· Flashpoems
· Minyan
· Inside Scoop
· Nativity
· I Ask My Mother
To Sing

· Absence of Colours
· Island Logic
· Peepshow Kleenex
· Allen Ginsberg
Forgives Ezra Pound
on Behalf of the Jews

· Lacing Your Shoes:
Haiku & the Everyday

· Four Haiku
· Smoking Haiku
· Geary & Jones,
Monday, 8:23 a.m.

· The Keeper
· december 13, 2001
· Memento Mori
· Football's Birthday
· The Edward Gorey

· Arrival
· Victim o'

· The Origin of
Teeth and Bones

· Questions for
Martins Ferry,

· This Is Just
To Tell You

· Not-Cat (& whatnot)
· To My Unmet Wife

· Englishhua
· Dave for Pope
· Papa Loves Mambo
· A Culture Report

· The Louisiana
A Special Radio X
Historical Docudrama

· Krawkawkaw Gives
a Little

· Meet Dr. Klaww
· Letters to Dr. Klaww
· Letter from the
Hall of Justice

· An Invitation
to be Keynote

· More

All Things

· Gajandra Meets
    the Scatoman

· Gajandra and
    the Curse of the
    Six Monkeys

· Gajandra and the
    Eating Lesson

· A Moment of

· Gajandra and the
    Great Rumble

· Gajandra and the
    Problem with

· Mohamed Tahdaini
· John Guillory
· Berkeley Pier
· Bruce Dene
· Death of The Bayou
· Taiwan Food Vendors
· John Freeman
· Robin Liu
· Hector
· Dave's Corner
· Zuni Kachinas

· Mainland Murmurs
· Next to Heaven
  · Episode #8

  · Episode #16
· Crosswords Brunch


Moo archives...
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· Art
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Doctor Klaww raises his left hand, which has been hideously frozen into the shape of a claw, exclaims—

"Why, if my left hand weren't hideously frozen into the shape of a claw, I'd have MANY job offers in Southeast Asia!!"

But Dr. Claw,

"—That's Klaww!!"

Dr. Klaww, how can you possibly blame your difficulty with a job search on the shape of your left hand?

Witness the Hideous Heinoussness of the KLAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"You fool!! Don't you see?? Look! Take a Long and Hideous Gander at the Hideous Monstrosity of my KLAW!!!!"

Dr. Klaww, I really think you're using this unfortunate physical anomaly as an excuse as to why you're not trying so hard in your job search.

"INFIDEL!! Have you not Witnessed the Hideousness of the KLAWW?????"

Well, sure, but, Senator Robert Dole suffered far more serious nerve damage during World War II, and yet he succeeded in a long and distinguished career in the United States Senate, which was capped by a final campaign for President just this year.

"You and your accursed 'Logic' and 'Well-Reasoned Arguments!' It's fools like YOU who are preventing Dr. Klaww from Ultimate Victory! From having a Really Great Job and a Beautiful Asian Girlfriend!!"

Dr. Klaww, forgive me for being so bold, but I really think you have some issues to work out.

"Issues, eh? Then perhaps you wouldn't mind having a drink from this large goblet of Hawaiian Punch Laced With Arsenic!!"

I'm not gonna drink that!

"Arrrgrhgrhgrhgrhgrhgrhghg! Foiled Againnnnnnnnn! This CURSED KLAWWWWWWWWWW!"

— David Saia

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