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|Essays · Poetry · Comedy · Art · Video||summer 2021|
Meet Doctor Klaww!
Doctor Klaww raises his left hand, which has been hideously frozen into the shape of a claw, exclaims—
"Why, if my left hand weren't hideously frozen into the shape of a claw, I'd have MANY job offers in Southeast Asia!!"
But Dr. Claw,
Dr. Klaww, how can you possibly blame your difficulty with a job search on the shape of your left hand?
"You fool!! Don't you see?? Look! Take a Long and Hideous Gander at the Hideous Monstrosity of my KLAW!!!!"
Dr. Klaww, I really think you're using this unfortunate physical anomaly as an excuse as to why you're not trying so hard in your job search.
"INFIDEL!! Have you not Witnessed the Hideousness of the KLAWW?????"
Well, sure, but, Senator Robert Dole suffered far more serious nerve damage during World War II, and yet he succeeded in a long and distinguished career in the United States Senate, which was capped by a final campaign for President just this year.
"You and your accursed 'Logic' and 'Well-Reasoned Arguments!' It's fools like YOU who are preventing Dr. Klaww from Ultimate Victory! From having a Really Great Job and a Beautiful Asian Girlfriend!!"
Dr. Klaww, forgive me for being so bold, but I really think you have some issues to work out.
"Issues, eh? Then perhaps you wouldn't mind having a drink from this large goblet of Hawaiian Punch Laced With Arsenic!!"
I'm not gonna drink that!
"Arrrgrhgrhgrhgrhgrhgrhghg! Foiled Againnnnnnnnn! This CURSED KLAWWWWWWWWWW!"
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