Gentle moos from round the globe

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Essays  ·  Poetry  ·  Comedy  ·  Art  ·  Video summer 2021

Apr. 27, 2003,

· Sitting with Mama
· Maria
· Nine Crossings
· Mama and Her

· Fallopian Chron IV
· Why I Toast, I
· Why I Toast, II
· Why I Toast, III
· Scooter/Dot-Com
· Fallopian Chron II
· Fallopian Chron III
· Strange Bedfellow
· Almost Equal
· A Difficult Day
· Phantom Lover:
    Ode to
    Leslie Cheung

· I Am Salad
· Fallopian Chron I
· Taiwanglish
· Childhood's End
· Psychic Friends
· Life in the
    Time of SARS

· Waiting for
      the Goddess

· Roswell My Eye
· Catisfaction
· My Laramie Project
· Stopping on the
    Street for
    Coltrane: A Real
    Latter Day Saint

· Whither Moocat?
· Happy Palindrome!
· Happy Tiger
· Tourist for a Day
· Geography
    as Destiny

· "Bastards"
· Watching the
    Pentagon Burn

· Communing with

· Milk
· Infinity
· Emailing the Dead
· Broken Water
· Sand Shark
· Grandma Said
· Golden Days
· Americat
· Moe Howard on the
Death of His Brother,

· Flashpoems
· Minyan
· Inside Scoop
· Nativity
· I Ask My Mother
To Sing

· Absence of Colours
· Island Logic
· Peepshow Kleenex
· Allen Ginsberg
Forgives Ezra Pound
on Behalf of the Jews

· Lacing Your Shoes:
Haiku & the Everyday

· Four Haiku
· Smoking Haiku
· Geary & Jones,
Monday, 8:23 a.m.

· The Keeper
· december 13, 2001
· Memento Mori
· Football's Birthday
· The Edward Gorey

· Arrival
· Victim o'

· The Origin of
Teeth and Bones

· Questions for
Martins Ferry,

· This Is Just
To Tell You

· Not-Cat (& whatnot)
· To My Unmet Wife

· Englishhua
· Dave for Pope
· Papa Loves Mambo
· A Culture Report

· The Louisiana
A Special Radio X
Historical Docudrama

· Krawkawkaw Gives
a Little

· Meet Dr. Klaww
· Letters to Dr. Klaww
· Letter from the
Hall of Justice

· An Invitation
to be Keynote

· More

All Things

· Gajandra Meets
    the Scatoman

· Gajandra and
    the Curse of the
    Six Monkeys

· Gajandra and the
    Eating Lesson

· A Moment of

· Gajandra and the
    Great Rumble

· Gajandra and the
    Problem with

· Mohamed Tahdaini
· John Guillory
· Berkeley Pier
· Bruce Dene
· Death of The Bayou
· Taiwan Food Vendors
· John Freeman
· Robin Liu
· Hector
· Dave's Corner
· Zuni Kachinas

· Mainland Murmurs
· Next to Heaven
  · Episode #8

  · Episode #16
· Crosswords Brunch


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Who Cares

Bottled water slogan

Is this really what we should be encouraging our 8-year olds to do?

In English school bathroom:
Is this really what we ought to be encouraging our 8-year-olds to do?

I am in debt to Bruce Fleming for alerting me to the site, which hosts some of the funniest incidences of attempted English on the Web.

Shortly after arriving in Taiwan I started observing the local version of Engrish, which I will call 'Taiwanglish,' initially on signs:

  • Daston Internet Technetrontic Gloriette
  • Far Fast Center
  • Because Persist (store name)
  • Humming Cafe - "Sit Down Please"

Most of the above I had noticed during my long bus rides to work. Later, when I started riding the MRT more often, I was happy to not be disappointed by the MRT's Engrish signage:

At the base of an MRT escalator warning the elderly about the speed of escalators:
With all our hearts... we concern.

And in an MRT bathroom, near the hot-air hand dryer:
For sake of environmental protection, no hand-mopping paper is provided here. Please use hand-dryer instead.

Perhaps a little more surprising was the Taiwanglish I've seen on signage in the bathrooms of several of the English schools I have taught in!

Sticker on inside of bathroom stall in bushiban school:
Dare is to say sorry when you have done something wrong.

I managed to capture a couple of them digitally before my digi-cam's untimely squat-toilet-related demise:

A recurring venue for prime-quality Taiwanglish, however, is of course, Tee-shirts worn by young Taiwanese girls:

  • It's American Answer Ayborteh 'New Days of America' You've Got It With Scene.
  • Happiness is ever present
  • Satisfy To Dream of Puzzle
  • The star of the sky where brightly shines blink all

In collegiate-looking letters, for a fictional university:
And the words printed around the inner rim of the faux-university seal:
All the names I know from nurses garter

And on a sticker at the bottom of my new stainless steel waste-paper basket:
This is goods for those who wish to enjoy simple and rational lives waste basket and flower pot.

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