Gentle moos from round the globe

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Essays  ·  Poetry  ·  Comedy  ·  Art  ·  Video summer 2021

David Saia,

· Sitting with Mama
· Maria
· Nine Crossings
· Mama and Her

· Fallopian Chron IV
· Why I Toast, I
· Why I Toast, II
· Why I Toast, III
· Scooter/Dot-Com
· Fallopian Chron II
· Fallopian Chron III
· Strange Bedfellow
· Almost Equal
· A Difficult Day
· Phantom Lover:
    Ode to
    Leslie Cheung

· I Am Salad
· Fallopian Chron I
· Taiwanglish
· Childhood's End
· Psychic Friends
· Life in the
    Time of SARS

· Waiting for
      the Goddess

· Roswell My Eye
· Catisfaction
· My Laramie Project
· Stopping on the
    Street for
    Coltrane: A Real
    Latter Day Saint

· Whither Moocat?
· Happy Palindrome!
· Happy Tiger
· Tourist for a Day
· Geography
    as Destiny

· "Bastards"
· Watching the
    Pentagon Burn

· Communing with

· Milk
· Infinity
· Emailing the Dead
· Broken Water
· Sand Shark
· Grandma Said
· Golden Days
· Americat
· Moe Howard on the
Death of His Brother,

· Flashpoems
· Minyan
· Inside Scoop
· Nativity
· I Ask My Mother
To Sing

· Absence of Colours
· Island Logic
· Peepshow Kleenex
· Allen Ginsberg
Forgives Ezra Pound
on Behalf of the Jews

· Lacing Your Shoes:
Haiku & the Everyday

· Four Haiku
· Smoking Haiku
· Geary & Jones,
Monday, 8:23 a.m.

· The Keeper
· december 13, 2001
· Memento Mori
· Football's Birthday
· The Edward Gorey

· Arrival
· Victim o'

· The Origin of
Teeth and Bones

· Questions for
Martins Ferry,

· This Is Just
To Tell You

· Not-Cat (& whatnot)
· To My Unmet Wife

· Englishhua
· Dave for Pope
· Papa Loves Mambo
· A Culture Report

· The Louisiana
A Special Radio X
Historical Docudrama

· Krawkawkaw Gives
a Little

· Meet Dr. Klaww
· Letters to Dr. Klaww
· Letter from the
Hall of Justice

· An Invitation
to be Keynote

· More

All Things

· Gajandra Meets
    the Scatoman

· Gajandra and
    the Curse of the
    Six Monkeys

· Gajandra and the
    Eating Lesson

· A Moment of

· Gajandra and the
    Great Rumble

· Gajandra and the
    Problem with

· Mohamed Tahdaini
· John Guillory
· Berkeley Pier
· Bruce Dene
· Death of The Bayou
· Taiwan Food Vendors
· John Freeman
· Robin Liu
· Hector
· Dave's Corner
· Zuni Kachinas

· Mainland Murmurs
· Next to Heaven
  · Episode #8

  · Episode #16
· Crosswords Brunch


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Fair is fair. In Taiwanglish, I made fun of how silly attempted English can sound when tried by a not-yet-fluent speaker. Now it's the Chinese language's turn. I have been learning Chinese. I recently learned how to set up my home PC so that I can input traditional Chinese characters by typing in Pin Yin romanization letters. I've been trying to impress my fiancé by starting to correspond in Chinese. My fiancé (who is Taiwanese) recently wrote back asking that I send an English version of what I was trying to say. Here's why:
What I tried to write:
Hello, My Beautiful Love,
What I actually wrote:
You are good, I beautiful,
What I tried to write:
I now understand how to use my computer so that I can see your words
What I actually wrote:
I nearly had understood how uses my computer therefore I can look at your shoe
What I tried to write:
I'm sorry if my Chinese has mistakes. This language is new and also I am typing.
What I actually wrote:
To does not eat if my Chinese has the mistake. This Hua Shihhsin nucleus I also am truncating.
What I tried to write:
My love, I think I understood some of what you wrote, but not all.
What I actually wrote:
I thought I move certainly you to thank the character, but always
What I tried to write:
One sentence I understand is that I love you very, very, very, very much, and I want to be with you my whole [life].
What I actually wrote:
A trustee I understood when I like you very very very very celebrating me to want to be many I with you [life].
What I tried to write:
I want for us to talk [soon], and often.
What I actually wrote:
I want us to say [soon], frequently
What I tried to write:
I love you so much, my love.
What I actually wrote:
I good love you, my love.
What I tried to write:
Your David
What I actually wrote:
You greatly are

— David Saia

David Saia grew up in southern Louisiana and is a proud Bayou Cajun. If he ever meets that "Mo Martin" Prairie Cajun again in the swamps, he will punch him in the eye, I can tell you that!

<—   b  a  c  k

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