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|Essays · Poetry · Comedy · Art · Video||summer 2021|
The Fallopian Chronicles,
Jan 2004, llandry
Now, thirty-plus weeks later, I can say we are solidly pregnant. Even strangers know I'm pregnant just looking at my big ol' belly. We are in the home stretch with only two and a half months left. I've been lucky to have a rather uneventful pregnancy. No morning sickness or any debilitating symptoms. I do get tired, but mostly I'm excited. I have new things to worry about, of course. Lately, I am just so worried that the baby will be okay. We had some initial screening tests, including a new test called "nuchal translucency screen" to test for Downs Syndrome, but opted out of amnio when the results of our screens were good. After taking so long to get pregnant, we didn't want to chance a miscarriage with amnio. Unfortunately, not having amnio does leave room for uncertainty. But, having it would have still kept us in the dark about some things. We just have to keep telling ourselves the odds are with us and accept whatever happens.
My belly is big and smooth and round and I love every kick and squirm I feel. We nicknamed the baby "Cletus the Fetus" when we found out we were having a boy. Watching him squirm and flip onscreen during ultrasounds was amazing. We've picked out a name (no easy task) and are keeping it secret until he's born. We read his horoscope (he'll be a Pisces and will be born in the Year of the Monkey).
Part of me does have trouble accepting it all as reality. And, I do sometimes worry about how good a mother I'll be. I have also had a few freak-out moments where I mourn the fact that with the birth of this child I will no longer be looked upon as the same person I was -- not by my child, not by my friends, not by strangers, not by me. I will no longer be the same person I was. It's the kind of thing you know in the back of your mind and the kind of thing that is clichéd all over the place, but it is something I'm coming to realize deep down.
The other day I watched the news on television where young surfers were interviewed about defying warnings that the recent storms have caused serious contamination in the surf that could affect their health. The storms have also created sandbars and fabulous surfer's wet-dream waves. All I could think of was, I'm going to have a son that will someday forgo good sense for idiotic thrills like surfing or skiing -- even with hepatitis threats. I, the one who was game for anything, will have to deal with that -- scary.
We have begun childproofing the house. We've purchased nursery furniture and have received a few blankets and onesies and other baby items... all meeting the current federal safety regulations. We wait for our little guy to arrive and know that we'll do our best to keep him out of harm's way for as long as we can.
March 7 is the due date. We made it to this point and are grateful.
Lynn Landry is writing again after a lot of goading, coddling, and shaming by friends. Technology has set her free as she discovered she was "born to blog." Check out her daily musings on life in Oakland, CA at Bad Mother.Got feedback on this page? Share it with the moocat!
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