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Childhood's End

Oct. 2002, published in Feb. 2003, sredfearn

· Sitting with Mama
· Maria
· Nine Crossings
· Mama and Her

· Fallopian Chron IV
· Why I Toast, I
· Why I Toast, II
· Why I Toast, III
· Scooter/Dot-Com
· Fallopian Chron II
· Fallopian Chron III
· Strange Bedfellow
· Almost Equal
· A Difficult Day
· Phantom Lover:
    Ode to
    Leslie Cheung

· I Am Salad
· Fallopian Chron I
· Taiwanglish
· Childhood's End
· Psychic Friends
· Life in the
    Time of SARS

· Waiting for
      the Goddess

· Roswell My Eye
· Catisfaction
· My Laramie Project
· Stopping on the
    Street for
    Coltrane: A Real
    Latter Day Saint

· Whither Moocat?
· Happy Palindrome!
· Happy Tiger
· Tourist for a Day
· Geography
    as Destiny

· "Bastards"
· Watching the
    Pentagon Burn

· Communing with

· Milk
· Infinity
· Emailing the Dead
· Broken Water
· Sand Shark
· Grandma Said
· Golden Days
· Americat
· Moe Howard on the
Death of His Brother,

· Flashpoems
· Minyan
· Inside Scoop
· Nativity
· I Ask My Mother
To Sing

· Absence of Colours
· Island Logic
· Peepshow Kleenex
· Allen Ginsberg
Forgives Ezra Pound
on Behalf of the Jews

· Lacing Your Shoes:
Haiku & the Everyday

· Four Haiku
· Smoking Haiku
· Geary & Jones,
Monday, 8:23 a.m.

· The Keeper
· december 13, 2001
· Memento Mori
· Football's Birthday
· The Edward Gorey

· Arrival
· Victim o'

· The Origin of
Teeth and Bones

· Questions for
Martins Ferry,

· This Is Just
To Tell You

· Not-Cat (& whatnot)
· To My Unmet Wife

· Englishhua
· Dave for Pope
· Papa Loves Mambo
· A Culture Report

· The Louisiana
A Special Radio X
Historical Docudrama

· Krawkawkaw Gives
a Little

· Meet Dr. Klaww
· Letters to Dr. Klaww
· Letter from the
Hall of Justice

· An Invitation
to be Keynote

· More

All Things

· Gajandra Meets
    the Scatoman

· Gajandra and
    the Curse of the
    Six Monkeys

· Gajandra and the
    Eating Lesson

· A Moment of

· Gajandra and the
    Great Rumble

· Gajandra and the
    Problem with

· Mohamed Tahdaini
· John Guillory
· Berkeley Pier
· Bruce Dene
· Death of The Bayou
· Taiwan Food Vendors
· John Freeman
· Robin Liu
· Hector
· Dave's Corner
· Zuni Kachinas

· Mainland Murmurs
· Next to Heaven
  · Episode #8

  · Episode #16
· Crosswords Brunch


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Growing up on South Florida's Intracoastal Waterway, I learned to use the barnacle-laden beach as an alternative to the road. A lot of kids did. After all, it was just as good as a road for getting you several blocks north to Bryant Park, or south to the 11th Avenue Park, and those were the only places I cared to be as an 11 year old.

The thin strip of beach, which ran behind my house, was riddled with abandoned dinghies, dead fish and giant brown horseshoe crabs that looked both prehistoric and space age. Yellow foam washed up and no one ever went in the water because it was said to be nasty, with a mushy bottom. In some spots you had to hop up on the seawalls and walk them like a tightrope then dash across yards that came right up to the water's edge. In other areas big, craggy trees extended out into the water and you had to climb through them to make your way. But we didn't care. The little beach was a lawless corridor largely devoid of adults. That was important.

Returning home from Bryant Park in my usual way along that beach one day, I spied Richard Orjala. He and his brother were fishing near a seawall not far from my house. Richard was in my class at South Grade Elementary, one of many blond, fair-skinned natives of Finland who for some reason had immigrated to Lake Worth in droves. I hated Richard and he hated me in that way fifth graders do -- based on nothing. Because I was just a little bit more of a jerk than he was, I held the upper hand in the relationship.

I was a jerk in general. At the time, I saw myself as simply having a lot of bravado and being very worthy. But now I realize that really, I had gone on the offensive early on, sprouting prickly armor to protect me after my parents divorced when I was 3. My dad had moved out and my parents commenced child support and visitation fights. So I became a badass. Thankfully, I was never faced with having to beat up somebody. Nevertheless, I gave off the air that I had felled millions. This was especially useful in my town, which already had its share of broken-home bullies.

Part of my bad-ass profile involved being an occasional mild taunter of the weak. I think that may have been how Richard and I got pulled into our swirl of affronts: I recognized frailty in him and homed in, pushing him down to raise myself up. But Richard, who lived one street over, surprised me. He had some zeal in him, too, and his capacity for insult was unexpectedly high. This made him even more fun as prey, and thus was born a nearly even match for as long as we were in elementary school together. I kept the advantage, but just barely.

Most of our run ins have faded from memory, except the one on that cruddy little beach that day. Forgetting about our tempestuous relationship I guess, Richard asked me to watch his fishing equipment while he and his brother went home, maybe to eat lunch. I suppose I also forgot about our rivalry, and said yes.

But while standing guard there staring blankly at the condos across the waterway, blood suddenly rushed to my head and chest as I recalled that I was supposed to hate Richard, not do favors for him. Naturally, I now had to destroy something of his.

I hunted about. His fishing pole was too serious -- I wasn't that much of a meanie. Rooting around for a few minutes, I found a full bottle of rubbing alcohol, probably intended for cuts made by hooks. Likely his mom made him bring it out here, and his mom would want him to bring it home. Perfect. I opened the cap and poured the whole thing out onto the brown sand, feeling more than satisfied, wondering if it was stinging guppies.

I stayed until the boys came back, then made a hasty exit, running back to my house as if I was late for dinner. It was only a minute or so until Richard saw what I'd done. Normally, he was too docile to come after me. But this time was different; this time I suppose I'd pushed him over the brink. Maybe he'd had all he could take of me, the skinny little girl with the long brown curls subtly but steadily making his life miserable.

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